im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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