I want to make a zoo with you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
