She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
