when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
