There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dignity is for republicans.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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