i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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