What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
