he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
