I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
