we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
