I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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