Who did Billy Mays play for?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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