Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
