I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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