i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
