I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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