You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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