if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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