SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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