The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
