she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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