after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
