the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
