Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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