I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
