worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
