Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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