Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
