mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
