I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
