I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
