I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
