party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
