Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
