no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
