I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
