where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
