My liver just broke up with me...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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