I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
