I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
