drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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