i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
