i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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