My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
