did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
