i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
