I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
