like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
