dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
