Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
