I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
