forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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