Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
