I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
