So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
