There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
