apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
