bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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