What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
