I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
