Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i barfeds in our rink
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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