Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
