Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
