i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
