I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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