Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
