My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i dont even know how to be here
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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