Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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